on deserve, and entitlement ...
Have you ever thought: I don't deserve to be treated this or that way? I didn't deserve this or that to happen to me? What about, even better, have a friend ever told you in the most loving manner, you do not deserve to be treated this or that way, or perhaps a, you deserve better? I am certain I have not only heard it from my friends but I have thought about it too when things haven't gone my way in more than one occasion. Was I right? did I have the right to feel I deserved differently? Am I entitled to a better treatment from others? I think I should be! wait a minute, am I?
To get a better idea of where all these words came from and how we have come to inherit them and make them part of our daily vocabulary I had to go to the past a little. It seems that somewhere during the 12th century (give or take) the ruling class came up with this idea that the doings of certain courtesans, their devoted and extreme cases of service, will merit something special from them, their lords and kings; the zealous service performed merited them something special; and here we have the birth of this word "deserve", where the prefix (in latin) "de" denotes the intensity of an act, and "servire" is the act of service, to serve; this way is how we got ourselves an overzealous act of service, a "deserve" and this act got a reward; we find then a society that when does something extraordinary, a "deserve", it gets something, it receives something from their ruler, and here we start.
As this idea of giving something special to those who do extraordinary acts for the king/lord took more and more form, and as kingdoms got larger and larger (some of them actually, not all), they offered "titles" as a way to compensate these courtesans as well as riches or instead of riches in some cases; one can go through history and read on the immense amount of titles that were offered according to the feat one had accomplished. We have now thrown "titles" in the mix, and guess what happened next? yes, you got it! of course, people were looking for things to do to attain these titles, they were doing those extraordinary acts of service, looking forward to the "title" as this would improve their social status and therefore their lives; they were merely looking for improvement of their personal lives just like we all do nowadays and by whichever means they could afford, some were rather heroic. Many died valiantly performing feats but the few successful survivors would get a title, yes one they did attain as they performed an extraordinary act of service as they "deserve." Let us note at this point that the reward was individual, it was given to the "deserving" not to a group or the collective but to an individual, each person had to attain its own title.
Time passed by and here came another twist to the story on the use of these words. As these large kingdoms were replaced by first the French Revolution and later on by its followers, with democracies and other forms of government, these titles lost their value in many places and kingdoms if not in all of them. Suddenly having a title did not mean much any more, it did not get any better position nor special rights or entitlements at all, as these new political dogmas taught rather equality amongst all; those nobility titles were rather a threat, they meant nothing anymore under the new regimes, some gladly disposed of them, others were violently stripped from them, most lost their title.
Where did it all fall apart? And, what about rights? don't I have rights? am I not entitled to those rights and freedoms others have fought for? Generation Y has been named by sociologists as the "entitlement generation" what does that mean? and why are they saying this?
It was not until the 1950's that the word "entitlement" got coined interestingly enough, but how did it connect to "deserve" an to "title"? Well the post war era was not an easy time for anyone; governments and people all over the world suffered during this great depression, people were given a hand out by their governments so they could at least be fed; Roosevelt tried his best to redistribute the wealth of his country just like many others did around the world at that time. People now under a different set of circumstances were entitled to some help, they were given coupons (titles) and made stand in lines to exchange them for food, they did get "titles", not for good deeds of their own as before for a "deserve", but rather due to a horrible world scenario of post war and due to government programs and the generosity of many. As the recession ended and the economies started to get ahead, some people were left believing that they were still "entitled" to the old government generosity because they still held those titles that were once distributed; just like their pre French Revolution cousins, their "titles" had come to mean nothing anymore under the new regime, their titles had expired, they held no value, yet some still felt "entitled" to the generosity; others simply were grateful for the temporary help and realized that it was meant to be temporal so with hearts full of gratitude and humility they said: Thank You!
This is where things took the wrong turn; as the great depression ended and people felt still "entitled" to something, this harboured a very interesting philosophy in life that has concluded with this one of late: let me get what I want with the minimum amount of effort possible, to succeed with the least amount of effort. Where did that come from? was the hand outs of the post war the ones to blame? was it the nobility titles offered to those who "deserve"? Or was it the explosion of "rights" that made us believe that we are "entitled" to anything and everything others have fought for without us having to pay or do anything at all? Or rather all of the above?
Perhaps what we have lost is rather our sense of gratitude more than an increase on awareness of our rights and freedoms. When others have done anything for us the proper thing to do is to express gratitude, not to feel entitlement, not to feel we were entitled to it nor deserving of it, but rather to express gratitude. I remember my grandmother after she made us dinner and as we sat at the table she would ask us to say grace to thank God for providing for us and then my mother would ask that at the end of the meal we would express our gratitude to her mother for her kindness on preparing that meal, and that as sign of that gratitude we collect the dishes; gratitude I recall wasn't a choice, we were taught to be grateful and to accept offerings from others with humility.
As we have obtained more and more rights, and as knowledge of them becomes more and more readily available, we are not only a group of people who understand our rights and freedoms very well but rather a group of people that feels "entitled" to them; when we should rather be a people who feels deep gratitude for having such rights, such freedoms. We do a horrible disrespect to those who valiantly have fought day after day, their entire lives often, for us; thank goodness for those people, for the Martin Luther Kings of the world, for the Nelson Mandelas, for each and every one of those citizens who has fought for our rights and freedoms; my deepest sense of gratitude for what they had to go through to achieve such feats, in this case though they got nothing for their "deserve" nor they got an "entitlement" but we can offer them our gratitude as a sign of respect as a symbol of their "deserve", of what they did.
As we know our rights we not only enjoy them but without a sense of gratitude, one feels entitled to them, and the world now owes me something; as I cross the road the law says that pedestrians have the right of way, therefore I am entitled to it and I will not stop nor even concern myself with looking around for incoming traffic because I am entitled to it, the law says so! really? does it work that way?
As we have obtained more and more rights, and as knowledge of them becomes more and more readily available, we are not only a group of people who understand our rights and freedoms very well but rather a group of people that feels "entitled" to them; when we should rather be a people who feels deep gratitude for having such rights, such freedoms. We do a horrible disrespect to those who valiantly have fought day after day, their entire lives often, for us; thank goodness for those people, for the Martin Luther Kings of the world, for the Nelson Mandelas, for each and every one of those citizens who has fought for our rights and freedoms; my deepest sense of gratitude for what they had to go through to achieve such feats, in this case though they got nothing for their "deserve" nor they got an "entitlement" but we can offer them our gratitude as a sign of respect as a symbol of their "deserve", of what they did.
As we know our rights we not only enjoy them but without a sense of gratitude, one feels entitled to them, and the world now owes me something; as I cross the road the law says that pedestrians have the right of way, therefore I am entitled to it and I will not stop nor even concern myself with looking around for incoming traffic because I am entitled to it, the law says so! really? does it work that way?
I hope that if anything is clear by now is that it seems obvious now that entitlement or deserving are in complete and outmost opposition to gratitude and humility. As one learns from the lives of those who have fought to grant us any right, any freedom, these people were filled with gratitude, with humility. Shouldn't we if we are to claim any right or freedom from them, take it with the very same attitude? the one of humbleness and gratitude?
In the proper sense of the word, no there is no entitlement given to any one of us to any right; we are not entitled to anything we haven't earned, if we want to be so exact with the law; no feat equals no "deserve", no "entitlement". These others who have fought for rights are passing them onto us but let's call a spade a spade, we haven't done anything to "deserve" them, we haven't fought no fight, we are not "entitled" to it. Because I haven't done any feat I feel gratitude for the times when those rights defend me, when it applies to me, but I also do not feel anger when they don't as I am not "entitled" nor have I "deserved" for it. Next time I either have my rights respected or tramped I will rather have a sense of gratitude to those who made them possible to exist for me, and when they are not offered to me perhaps it is my turn to fight my fight and attain them, but never to feel "entitled."
As a way of introspection here are some questions to helps us out (it surely opened my eyes):
1. Am I critical of others?
2. Do I look down on others?
3. Do I use the word "deserve" frequently (as in "I deserve" or "I don't deserve" this or that?)
4. Do I care too much about indicators of rank or status?
5. If I am not recognized or given a privilege immediately after doing something good, do I hear a voice inside me saying: "what about me" or "thats not fair"?
6. Do I seek special treatment for myself?
I know I have often felt entitled or deserving of this or that, of certain treatment, of certain reaction, of certain response; I am clear now that I need be rather grateful than entitled, that when something "unfair" happens to me I must be reminded of gratitude and not entitlement; I must drop my pride and ego and replace it with humility and gratitude if I am to change anything in my life.
I know I have often felt entitled or deserving of this or that, of certain treatment, of certain reaction, of certain response; I am clear now that I need be rather grateful than entitled, that when something "unfair" happens to me I must be reminded of gratitude and not entitlement; I must drop my pride and ego and replace it with humility and gratitude if I am to change anything in my life.
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