on love and scouts fire ...

This should be an easy topic to write as I have been loved so much by so many people, so my comments are more from that experience. I do not claim to know anything, specially on this topic, but rather what idealistically speaking things are supposed to be, at least in my head, that's my disclaimer.

What is love? is it that sweet, all empowering, overtaking feeling we get when we see each other? is it that "need" we feel to be close? is it that feeling of safety and comfort we feel as we hold each other? Or is it that strong and purposely made decision that we must make every day during those hard times?

I think from what I understand that love as it pertains to a significant other has both of those ingredients, full of strong emotions, and yet filled with a constant decision to keep it alive, to not let that fire go off. On that note it is where I want to compare it to my experience with watching a group of boy scouts start a fire with only rocks, a bunch of wood, and tinder.

First one has to find dry grass or leafs or wood in general to make tinder, they must be dry. Out we went with the boys to find us some tinder on a ... rainy day, hmmm maybe a bad idea to start a fire on a wet rainy day we all thought. The more experienced scouter kept walking without one cent of a worry. "let us all find a  cottonwood tree" he said, 'easy for him to say I thought' as I don't know the difference between a pine tree and a cedar tree. He taught us (yes, me and the boys) how to identify this such tree, the leafs gave us a hint of who he was once we found him. But what was the point of this tree? as we approached the tree he carefully pulled some plastic bag from his pocket and out he went with his pocket knife and pointed at the base of the tree where the bark had turned a different colour than the usual smooth surface I am used to see into this roughed, more treelike bark; He pulled with just his fingers a chunk of it and carefully showed us a super dry of what we call "tinder"underneath it; bingo, we had ourselves some dry tinder, and out it went in the bag. Let's summarize this crucial part (actually every part is crucial when making and keeping fire): step one find tinder, tinder is that small fluffy stuff that catches fire instantly with barely a spark, it can be as simple as pocket lint, or the ones we found protected under the bark of the cottonwood as we did on a rainy day, dry moss or any shredded plant fiber; some more "prepared" scouts even prepare tinder at home by burning pieces of cotton on a can and placing a lid before it consumes it all so the carbonized cotton serves as tinder. Bottom line, get dry tinder, and lots of it as it might be needed if and when the fire struggles.

Step two, make a tower of sorts, something that will get burned later on, it has to be "constructed"  though, a simple pile of wood won't do the trick, whether on a pyramidal form or as a square or a circle or as a tee shape, the point is that it has to have access to place the tinder underneath and on to the windward side, it has to have spaces as it will need oxygen to fuel it; and here we find the first oddity on fire making, yet it will make sense later as the wind will fuel the fire,  to  get started you must use any means, your own body if necessary to protect it from the blowing wind; that night we all scouts had the same ideal in mind, we all wanted a fire, it was a bit cold and let's be honest what is camping without a fire?, so they all gathered around and blocked the wind  as we all knew that tinder is too weak to withstand any strong blow from it, you gotta see how protective these boys get when their interest is at hand and they are getting colder by the minute.

Finally, you find any two rocks that have quartz in it, or flint to create a "spark". If all things were prepared properly, the spark will be caught by the tinder, who will lit the wood shavings, who will in turn burn the wood and voila, there's the fire. As we camped we learned the impending need to keep feeding this fire if we wanted to keep warm and to enjoy each other's company around it.

I assume by now you can get the idea of the comparison to love, to a relationship: the so called "spark" of meeting someone, the extensive hours of simply talking, enchanted by her intelligence, her looks, her sense of humour, her kindness; all the details that went prior to that spark moment were a preparation, our daily lives, our thoughts, our routines are that, the timber that will make that spark grow. One has to be aware of what kind of timber one is preparing I suppose on our daily lives, because only the right tinder will catch the spark and ignite a fire.

Part two, the stuff to get burned, but first lets talk about wind, wind is a funny thing as it brings the oxygen that feeds the fire to keep going but it is extremely harmful at the beginning, one has to protect its tinder from it, tinder needs wind but barely from a constant blow from a person, gentle and constant. Like love, wind comes from everywhere, old habits, friends, family, ideals, principles, and though with time this is what will keep the fire burning, at first it can be detrimental rather and one has to protect it even with its own body or with the help of the others that also want that fire to start, find yourself some "scouts" who want that fire just as bad as you do and protect that timber so it not only catches the spark but goes on to lit the bark, the wood shavings and onto the wood to create the fire.

Word of caution, many many attempts went on striking rocks together to produce a spark, many many attempts went on for the spark to go on to the tinder and catch it; many many attempts went on blowing so gently to let the tinder lit the wood shavings. Many unsuccessful attempts went on that night, many stones stroked, many yay emotional moments where we thought the tinder had caught the spark and yet didn't have enough strength to lit the shavings. Many times the wind simply filtered between those distracted boy's legs and turned our feeble small fire off. Many disappointed faces went on that night.  A woman I love and with whom I was in a relationship kept reminding me of how easy it is to get a man (or a woman for that same sake of the argument), not that easy I'd suggest, just as the fire starting, but also how much more challenging it is to keep it going; wise words as we will see on this fire exercise. But at last, success! we had the spark that caught the tinder, and the tinder that lid the wood shavings, and the fire started!; what a beautiful sight it is to watch a fire start, the flames consuming all the beautifully lined up structure of wood, the sounds of it consuming everything one feeds it, the warmth it produces ... our efforts were compensated, we were warm, we enjoyed it, the view was magnificent, yet it seems that our efforts were being literally burned, consumed by the minute.

Wood had to be kept coming, we were running out of it as we did not prepare much of it, out we went to find on a rainy night, in the most hidden pieces some dry wood, the driest we could; we looked under fallen trees, under the bushy ones who protected their feet from the rain, everywhere we looked and we brought lots of wood. It was a decisive moment. We could have chosen to let it die and go to bed early, or to keep it going and enjoy more of those fireside stories and each other's company. We chose the later. As in with love, we must make that decision every day, every minute of our lives, the spark is long gone, it has actually grown, it actually produces now hundreds of little sparks if one observes carefully, but one has to decide to go look for more dry wood, under trees on rainy days, far from the warmth of the fire, on the dark at times, or simply laying around if one is lucky, but it is never effortless, one has to leave the comfort and warmth of that fire for some time to go gather more wood, because wood will get consumed; one has to make that choice.

So back to my starting point, is it the spark? yes it is! is it a choice? yes it is as well. All is part of it, it is a growing process I would say just like the fire that starts and grows; one day we will all learn to love perfectly, until then I am going to work on my personal tinder and going to collect some wood ... good luck on your fires ...