on ego and pride ...

Whether one calls it ego, inner self, naf, aham, etc. the idea, the concept behind seems to be the same:

1. There is something inside our minds/hearts/souls that pulls, craves, self satisfaction, that concentrates on the self rather than on others. It is the selfish self (redundancy and all) if you may.

2. There is something else also inside our minds/hearts/souls that is more altruistic and in opposition to the other, the side that is compassionate, caring, loving of others.

The concept of good vs evil inside us, yin and yang, id, ego and alter-ego, etc. It is not just that this opposition exists outside of us but rather that the conflict is inside, the battle is within; the balance to be achieved is not on the outside world but rather inside ourselves; a battle between selfishness and altruism, between my needs or the needs of others.

The Judeo-Christian approach to inner peace comes from altruism, from closeness to the supreme being. As one draws closer to Him, one is more resilient to hurt, to offence, from others. Jesus taught of this concept of forgiveness to any and all of my brother's acts against me, and that love for my neighbour will in turn make me a better person. Buddhism in a similar way yet slightly different teaches that the man free of this ego will recognize that he is responsible for his actions and not for any of the other's actions; making him non impacted whatsoever by any action from any neighbour. If you yell at me insults, it has nothing to do with me, as it is not my action, it is yours and for you to deal with. As per me I am immune to any of it because they are not my actions. The minute I decide to let them affect me they become mine but until then they are simply yours. The choice to let them affect me or not is mine. It is evident that other's actions can affect us, there's no doubt about it, the key is whether we let them or not, it is a choice. I choose to be offended by the angry words yelled at me; I choose to take offence when not invited to the party by my best friend; It is my choice to feel hurt because my mother forgot my birthday. The question is why do we choose all of the above? and how can we choose not to? 

Closely knit to this idea of ego is the concept of pride; I want to explore how tightly knit it is. St Augustine called it " The Love of One's own Excellence." Pride as used by its Greek origin hubris is the opposite of humility, it is the skewed view of ourselves; the prime example of this attribute is depicted by Milton in the character of Lucifer. Again, we get back to this concept of opposite ends stated at the beginning; God on the one end and Lucifer on the other, humility on the one, and pride on the other, Yin and Yang, good vs evil, use the names you wish, the point is two complete opposites, selfishness and altruism. We are often found right in the middle, on a constant work of pull and push, or as we say in Spanish: un tira y jala ; being enticed by both sides and choosing at times one and at times the other. In this continuum we could see ourselves moving from one side to the other, depending on our maturity, on the circumstances surrounding our choices, etc. on a daily basis. We certainly are in between. Being aware of the continuum, of our choices, is the first step towards making the right choice one must admit, as ignorance or blindness will not allow us to make any clear choices not because we are not good at choosing, or have no freedom to choose, but rather because of lack of information, because of ignorance, therefore the importance of knowledge, of education, of introspection as some might call it.

Back to the pride topic again; pride is that emotion that contains intrinsically and yet not very visibly is enmity, between me and anyone and everyone, either my neighbour, my family, my loved one or even God if one happen to believe in him or anything I consider sacred or worthy of respect. Pride with its competitiveness makes me at odds with whomever I choose to show my pride against (and often after a while it is hard to choose but one becomes rather a prideful person), "that's just the way I am" says the proud. Pride is the father of indiscipline as it cannot follow no one but oneself. "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man ... it is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone" (C.S. Lewis) The fear of my neighbour judgment or opinion is what drives the proud, and pride is what drives contention, why? because pride is enmity simply dressed up in a different outfit. It is pride that makes us feel hurt by others and it creates immediate enmity and distancing. It is on the opposite, on altruism that one can find forgiveness which is nothing more than simply closeness, reconciliation.

Pride is one of the most dangerous things ever to exist within us, it deprives us from a world of possibilities simply because we let it take us, we let it take control of our existence. Often we think of the proud as this arrogant, self-centred person but it is more than that, it is deeper than that how pride enters our lives, it is little by little, step by step, in a sneaky yet firm way. Love, kindness, compassion is the antithesis of it, and the only road to happiness. Free of ego, we will feel no hurt, we will take no offence, as the acts of others are theirs not mine to feel offended by; and mine when I do wrong are simply that: wrong deeds of an imperfect being. An ego free person will be filled with humility, kindness, compassion, love, or as taught by Buddhism a life whose goal is to achieve Nirvana which is simply, cessation, the cessation of all these things and of peace within one self.

I have thought of these questions for self evaluation on my pride, on my selfishness, for check points, and I try to read them often to self evaluate, here they are, as I type them I am reminded of the AA 20 questions and their implications: If you answer YES to any ONE of these questions there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic; If you answer YES to any TWO, the chances are that you are an alcoholic. If you answer YES to any THREE or more you are definitely an alcoholic. I feel the same way towards pride and ego.
1. Have I learned anything new today?
2. Was I taught easily by anyone today?
3. What have I changed today?
4. Am I argumentative?
5. Do I react negatively to rules or to being told what to do?
6. How do I respond to the "unfair things of life"?
7. When was the last time I looked to lift up a person?
8. When was I "chastised" last? how did I react?
9. When was the last offence I forgave?
10. How often do I put other's dreams and needs before mine?
11. When was the last time I "confessed" a mistake/sin to another person?
12. Do I have a sharp, critical tongue?
13. How often do I find myself complaining? (about the weather, my circumstances, my job. mondays, etc)
14. When was the last time I apologized unequivocally without justification or explanations for my mistakes?
15. Do I learn from others or only through the "school of hard knocks"?

I guess, as I said before, that we are all somewhere in the continuum, I know I am, and yet being clear of the path to follow gives me the hope to become a humble person, a compassionate one, to move little by little closer to that goal, to enjoy happiness and peace far from ego and pride, but rather in love and reconciliation.