on the circle of forgiveness ...

I have thought lately about this (perhaps because of Yom Kippur), well I have thought about this topic for years but as usual lessons have to be relearned, reviewed, remembered ... or maybe is merely learned fully rather? I like to think that is the very same scientific approach to learning that applies universally, to learn and then review, and relearn just in case there have been changes.

I thought on applying simple logic to begin with:

In every relationship there are two human beings: A and B

All human beings make mistakes

therefore, A will make mistakes and

                B will make mistakes

I have concluded that in any given relationship between two human beings there will be mistakes on both sides. What to do when they happen? how to react to them? I guess that's the basis of all studies on human relationships or sociology. Throughout history mankind has tried to set rules as to how to proceed, from the Talmud rule of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, to thou shalt not kill, from customs and practices, to laws and regulations from every group, mankind has tried to find answers as to how to respond to these human mistakes made from others. I am almost certain that every group, society or religion agrees on this "principle" as a response as far as I have researched:

Taught by Jesus himself he first reminds the people of a past law that stated thou shalt not kill, and then he steps it up a notch and says: whoever is angry with his brother is in danger... A new standard is established here, the concept of forgiving and when asked how often he says even 70 times 7. Buddhists take this principle and call it patisaraniya-kamma and calls for not merely forgiveness but as taught by Jesus as well it requires a full reconciliation with the other person(s) before one attempts to "come to the altar".

Again a little of logic:

if A apologizes to B, B must forgive

if A ~apologize to B, B must forgive

therefore, B must forgive

But why? because B also will do the same thing (make mistakes) and if it wants to be treated that way it should also offer that treatment to others, simple logic so far.

To seek forgiveness is another topic, for another day ...

The romantic comment is ... but whoever loves someone wont hurt them ... or do anything wrong against them ... Let's explore a little that line of thought: I love my parents, have I done wrong to them? you bet I have, many times. I love my children, have I ...? yup I have made mistakes on my relationship with them. I loved my wife, girlfriend, any significant other, and have I offended them? heck I am divorced! of course I have! Let us take it a step further, Do I love God? I like to think so; have I "disobeyed" him? yup, again you are right, I have. But why? why? why? ... The answer is simple, it doesn't lie on love or lack of it (for now while we learn to truly love, another topic for another day too) but rather on the simple fact stated at the beginning, that all humans make mistakes, back to logic 101.

Obviously our mistakes have a reaction on others, specially on those close to us (loved ones) So here goes my first question: will B always be offended, hurt, etc by A actions? (and vice-versa) should it? or should it be independent? I think we do let the actions of others affect us sometimes and in some others we have no escape because they are aimed to affect us. Are we therefore doomed to bad and sour relationships? Because it seems that as long as we are on a relationship with another human being that person will make mistakes and its mistakes will affect us. A loving friend of mine said this to me while we were in a relationship, I will hurt you and you will too, let us learn to deal with it rather, very true (personal responsibility is the topic for another day).

Master, how many times should I forgive my brother his offences?  The thought of 70 times 7 comes to mind when I think of this, when I understand that forgiveness is the solution. What about self love? condoning? being accomplices of the wrong? Justice? consequences? As the dictionary describes it: to forgive is to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt. Krishna was so sure of the difficulty of applying this principle that he said that it was an attribute of those born for a divine state. The road of "discovery" rather, to try and "find out" and question the perpetrator, with the desire to know the so famous: but why? it's a road down a dark whirlpool, a dark path or rancour, grudge, misunderstanding, broken relationships, despair. The road of forgiveness is the better road even from a utilitarian point of view, as it will bring peace to our hearts, it will give us rest.

To come to a perfect circle, not forgiving is also a mistake, and very human, and therefore worthy of forgiveness :)  

“He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’ — in those who harbor such thoughts hatred will never cease.”

“He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’ — in those who do not harbor such thoughts hatred will cease.”